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Question   v4.3 March 2002
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v4.3 March 2002
0.  Introduction.
1.  New hosting plans and what they mean to you!
2.  New add-on plan and what it means to you!
3.  MySQL "Conueries"
4.  Webmail upgraded!
5.  DHSOTM
6.  Random quotes from newdream.net.


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0.  Introduction.

So I was just eating some generic brand semi-sweet chocolate chips for
lunch today and I noticed they have an unconditional money-back
guarantee right there on the bag. And I thought to myself that that was
good, because these chocolate chips are clearly fully-sweet. Not to
mention after sitting on top of the microwave for twenty-seven months
they had gone from loosely-packed chocolate chips to a single densely-
lumped chocolate chunk.

And then I thought, that sure is big of Shaw's to stand behind their
product like that. A FULL money-back guarantee, huh? All $1.59, huh? No
matter what? All I have to do is mail them back the uneaten portion,
along with my receipt and why I was unsatisfied, and they'll happily
refund me the purchase price of my chips in 6-8 weeks?

I would have gone for it, but while I was thinking all this I ended up
finishing off the bag. So there was no longer any un-eaten portion to
return. I guess I just could have just waited a few hours and then.. no
that's really disgusting.

Anyway, what I am yabbering about all this for? Well, I just wanted to
say that, "just like a two-year-old bag of chocolate chips, your
DreamHost account is something with a money-back guarantee that you'd
have to be crazy to actually redeem!"


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1.  New hosting plans and what they mean to you!

So I guess the theme for this month's newsletter is going to be why
you'd NEVER use our 30-day money back guarantee, not even counting if
you signed up more than 30 days ago!

So here's the first one: Monday, DreamHost upgraded all of our plans to
include a lot more disk space, bandwidth, ftp users, mail users, sub-
domains, and features! You can see all the specifics at
http://www.dreamhost.com/comparison.html 

Our price-freeze pledge guarantees we will never raise the price you pay 
for hosting from when you first signed up. What it doesn't guarantee, 
however, is that you'll get future upgrades like these added to your 
hosting plan at the old price. 

But you're in luck! This time, we've decided to give it to you ANYWAY! 

That's right, ALL old customer plans have been upgraded to provide the 
corresponding NEW features, at your OLD price! You don't have to do 
ANYTHING; your bandwidth allotment, disk space limits, etc... have all 
already been raised for you! 

Money-back guarantee THAT!


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2.  New add-on plan and what it means to you!

But wait, there's more!

We now have just ONE kind of add-on, called a "booster pack". It costs 
just $4.95/month with a $15 setup fee (waived if you pre-pay for a year) 
and includes: hosting for 3 additional domains, 15 sub-domains, 15 users,
and 60 e-mailboxes! You can add one through our web panel at the
"Billing > Services" area. Just click on the plan you'd like to add a
booster pack to, click "add extra domains to this plan", and fill out
the form that comes up! 

Here's what we've done with old add-ons on your accounts: 

Any extra domain, ftp users, or mailbox add-ons have been automatically 
changed to be a "booster pack", once again at whatever price you were 
already paying! 

Any add-ons which are now obsolete because the feature is now included 
with your new plan (including some mysql and mailing list add-ons) have 
been ended as of today, with the services migrated automatically to your 
main plan. You don't have to do anything! Your monthly bill has 
automatically been adjusted! 

Any extra disk space add ons have been left exactly as they are. Under 
our new system, there aren't any extra disk space add-ons.. if you need 
more disk space you just upgrade to the next hosting plan up (via 
our "Billing > Services" area of our web panel). If you decide you want 
to end any of your current add-ons, you can do that through our web panel 
(the "Billing > Services" area.. choose the add-on, enter an end date and 
submit the form). 

No matter what plan you're on, we think you'll be pleasantly surprised 
with how many new features have just been added to your hosting! And 
remember, you don't have to do a THING to get the benefits of these new 
plans.. we've already made all the changes for you! See how much we 
appreciate you? And we'll appreciate you even more if you don't use our
money-back guarantee!


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3.  MySQL Conueries

How cool a host are we? So cool that we make up words and use them as
though everybody knew what we were talking about! That's why we made up
the word "conueries" to describe new MySQL usage limits that will be
going into effect shortly!

What's a conuery? Well, as the name implies, it's a combination of
database "connections" and database "queries"! Every time you connect
to your database, that counts as 25 conueries, and every time you
query your database, that counts as one conuery! The reason for this
heavy weighting against connections is that the average connection puts
a much higher load on our database than the average query does, and we
want to encourage efficient use of your connections.

Our plans come with 5 million to 20 million conueries a month, with
extra conueries being charged at the rate of $5/million. We actually
haven't begun the charging yet, but plan to within the next two weeks.
Before the charging begins, we'll of course update the "Goodies >
MySQL" area of our web panel to report on the number of conueries each
of your databases is using! Also, don't worry too much about these new
limits! We created them after analyzing our current usage patterns,
and approximately 98% of our users don't come close to even 5M conueries
a month! The last 2% of customers use over 80% of our database resources,
and they're the only ones who may end up paying anything extra for their
usage.

The whole point of these limits is to help improve the stability and
performance of our MySQL service across all our customers! Especially
now that every customer can create as many MySQL databases as they'd
like, it's more important than ever to keep the servers running
smoothly. The limits should encourage people to make responsible use of
their database resources, as well as allowing us to extract some fees
from the heaviest MySQL users to cover the costs of more database
machines (and database administrators!)

Finally, if you're still a bit confused about this "conuery" word we
made up, we've put together a little chart up to help clarify its
meaning:
http://www.dreamhost.com/images/conuery.jpg

Now that's what I call a yarr chart!


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4.  Webmail upgraded!

Finally, the last reason you might even CONSIDER using our money-back
guarantee is gone! That's right, we upgraded our customer web-mail
system this month to the latest version, 1.2.5 (see squirrelmail.org)!

Besides being more secure and having numerous bug fixes, you can now
change your time zone, your language, and spell check your emails! I
don't think you can spell check your emails in every language though.
But you can spell check in every time zone!

Oh yeah, a recap for those of you who didn't know.. you can check your
 domain email not just through IMAP or POP3, but also from the web at
http://webmail.yourdomain.com/ ! It's free with every account and oh so
convenient for when you're at one of those free web-browsing kiosks at
a computer convention in Toledo! So borge on!


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5.  DHSOTM

And of course, the last feature for this month is our twelve times
annually DreamHost Site of the Month award! The winner for March 2002
goes to "Plan-B Toys":

http://www.plan-btoys.com/

They of course have a very nice site, but what's even more interesting
than their site is what they do.. they make action figures! That's
pretty cool! If I wanted to make my own action figures, I wouldn't even
know where to start! Well, I guess I'd probably start with Pineapple
Violin Man and go from there.

But anyway, they've made some pretty nice 6 inch realistic action
figures called "Special Forces", and they're coming out with an
"Emergency" (as in rescue workers) series and a "WWII" (as in the U.S.
saved the world, again.) series soon. They've also made figurines for
such franchises as Final Fantasy, Street Fighter, Magic, DragonBall Z,
Resident Evil, and House of the Dead. Spooky!

Congratulations, Plan-B, and don't let the award go to your fripple!

If you even want a CHANCE at winning DHSOTM for YOUR site, you've got
to submit it! Go to the "Home > DHSOTM" area of our web panel for the
form! 


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6.  Random quotes from newdream.net.

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.
-- Kin Hubbard, "Abe Martin's Sayings"

It takes a smart husband to have the last word and not use it.

What makes us so bitter against people who outwit us is that they think
themselves cleverer than we are.

Lady Nancy Astor: "Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in
your coffee."
Winston Churchill: "Nancy, if you were my wife, I'd drink it." 


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-- Josh

Last updated: Mar 27, 2002.